When Freedom Rang - A Story of Startup Failure
March 7, 2008 · Print This Article
Today marks one full year since I’ve worked for somebody else. It was precisely 365 days ago that I arrived at work and learned that the company had gone completely out of business. Spent all the money. Didn’t turn a profit. Deep in the red. Over. Done. Goodbye.
Some people, when they lose their job, get stressed out and even depressed. Not me. I was relieved. Let me tell you something about companies that go under. They die. And it’s a slow, painful death. Such an organization succumbs to a disease and that disease is called failure. It reaches out and infects everyone in the company, all its employees, vendors, customers, investors. You can smell the tension and uncertainty as employees become concerned about whether they’ll have a paycheck next month, and there’s an uneasiness in the way everyone talks about the future — next week’s meetings, next month’s product launch, next summer’s industry convention — there’s always an “if” dangling from their lips, as in “if we’re still around.”
Usually everyone knows long before the closure that it’s a looming possibility. It helps to know in advance, because then you have the option of getting a head start on the job search, planning your vacation, or scheduling your upcoming daytime TV lineup. I had about a two-week warning, and that was more than enough. It was a startup company, and I understood the risks involved. It was one of the reasons I had been so eager to take the job in the first place. Startups are exciting, there are tons of opportunities for upward mobility and employees who get in early stand to make a pretty penny through stock options if such a company succeeds. Sadly, they rarely do. If the company fails, then you collect your unemployment and move on. I can be melodramatic and sometimes I overreact, but I’ve worked for two companies that went under and both times I felt like someone had just cut my shackles and I didn’t shed a single tear.
Since I’d been through a startup failure before, I knew what to expect and what to look for.
The signs were all there: upper management starts to disappear one by one, some find work elsewhere because they know the end is near, others get laid off or even fired. They tell you it’s restructuring but it’s really a final desperate attempt to downsize and cut back costs. Workers start perusing the Internet relentlessly as the projects coming down the pipeline slim considerably. A bunch of monitors display glimpses of Craigslist and Monster before their users abruptly minimize the window, realizing that someone’s watching. Managers take long lunches and come back to the office drunk. People stand around, spend most of the day chattering or whispering behind their cubicle walls. Everyone starts coming in late and leaving early. Gossip reaches an all time high, and the thread of decency that makes office professionals behave politely toward one another, even when they loathe each other — well that thread snaps.
It’s awkward to enter a company just before it goes down.
I’d only been there for about seven months, so when the ship started sinking, I hadn’t even settled in yet. I’m what you’d call slow to warm. As a result, I had never really felt comfortable, although I enjoyed the work I did, and loved the products we were making. I found it difficult to relate to most of the people who worked there, although there were a few that I liked and got along with, and I had a cool boss. But I just didn’t quite fit in. I might have, given another few months, but unfortunately, there just wasn’t enough time for me to feel like myself in that place.
It didn’t help matters that I had to sit by a crazy girl who suffered from illusions of grandeur — a curiously evil individual who had a special dislike for me because I refused to let her push me around. She sat there all day slinging veiled and catty insults at me.
I was my own little island, and I often reminisced about my previous job, where I had loved — make that adored — everyone I worked with.
If there’s one thing I know about working in the corporate environment, it’s this: pay matters and the work matters too, but nothing has a greater impact on your workplace happiness than the people you are surrounded by. That’s how it is for me, anyway. With all the tension, my discomfort, and crazy Jane sitting two feet away, going to work every day was less than joyous.
So when I showed up one March morning and found a sign on the front door announcing the company’s termination, I wanted to get on my knees and give thanks to the universe for setting me free. Once inside, I did experience a brief moment of regret, a twinge of nostalgia for what could have been. My boss asked, “What will you do?” My response was completely unplanned, “I think I’m going to start freelance writing.” While the idea had crossed my mind, it wasn’t something I’d considered seriously, and I was a little surprised to hear my own answer. I just never want to sit in a damn cubicle again, I thought, and walked out the door.
And here I am, one year later - a full time freelance writer and web publisher. Granted, it took me about six months to recover and get my little business going, but I did it. Now I’m my own boss and I get to decide who I sit next to. Usually, it’s my cat. Hey, it’s a writer’s life.
So when you get laid off, or the company sinks, know that it’s probably going to lead to much better things. Look at it as an opportunity to take the reins of your life and ride down a better path. That might sound cheesy but it’s true. I’m living proof.
content rss
This was a fun one so feel free to try it. Oh and try dancing on a bar sometimes too....
That takes guts!
When I was reorganized out of a corporation after 12 years (they moved the offices two cities over and sent a bunch of people home), I was thankful.
For over 5 of those years - that’s 15,000 days - we had the words layoff, cutbacks, fired, and all sorts more hanging over our heads. We watched people leave with boxes. We held our breath during tough times and relaxed only slightly when the company reassured us it was over. We held our breath again when the company was bought out and management changed. This was it, we thought.
Nope. For 15 thousand days, most of us lived off misery, disappointment, bitterness, resentfulness and doing no more and no less than we were paid for. We were wary, worried and braced for the worst. Over 90% of the group of 30 took antidepressant medication.
So when I got my “blue”, as we call it in Quebec, I heaved a sigh of relief. I took three months to enjoy life and went to work at a stables at minimum wage for five years. No pills, no stress, no worries.
Now when I see people who still work for the company, I can’t believe how… ill they look. Shadows under their eyes, no hope or light in their face, and they look beaten down. And they’re in their 30s.
Scary.
@Deb, Do you mean writing a blog about it takes guts?
@James, It never ceases to amaze me — the situations that people will stay in — they’d rather be comfortable in their misery than take that leap and have a chance at happiness.
I’ve gone through buy-outs, mergers and banruptcies at companies I had worked for. Loved the work and fellow employees, hated the corporate stuff. When I finally quit in 1987 I started my own business. It was terrifying! It was exciting. I sold it about 2 years ago and moved to another state. I’ve started another business in the last year as well as a small Real Estate Investment side-business. I cannot imagine working for somebody else again. Color me (and my cats) happy!
No, silly, I meant that the decision to go it on your own took guts. I’m afraid that’s one that I’m going to be facing soon myself, but since I haven’t made a dime from my writing yet, that’s a scary, scary thought!
@WillThink4Wine, I think working for oneself is positively divine. Though, I have to admit that I do miss meeting and working with interesting people (in person). The job I had before the one I’m talking about in this post was packed with cool people, even though the pay sucked and there was mad corporate politics. Ugh.
@Deb, Surprisingly, it was easier for me to launch my freelance writing services than to publish this post. I kept thinking, what if my former coworkers reads it? What if a future employer reads it? I worry too much about too many things, usually the little stuff rather than the big stuff (like how I’m going to pay my taxes next year). Heheh.
I do Catering at Medtronic and I see lot’s of people come and go. The workers that do the hands on work are getting laid off soon. All of there jobs are going over sea’s. I’m starting a Chili Pepper business soon. I am going to grow and sell my own pepper’s and seed’s and make some sauce for just a few people. So I’ll be ready when Medtronic changes there name again and they lay everyone off like they do.
Coby, I think it’s good to be prepared. Sometimes I wish I’d started my business before that company went under. I think it’s smart to start something up on a part time basis while you have a steady job. Exhausting, but smart.
In the big days of Hollywood conglomerating, I was always the one hired to do the work of the 3 people that were just fired.
Yeah, a lot of people forget that often when a company downsizes, there’s still just as much work to do, and that falls heavy on the shoulders of those left behind!
This was such a meaningful post for me, at many levels, including everybody’s comments.
A little more than a year ago, I too left corporate America, after my last migraine. In 6 years I had been through 3 new owners, reported to 7 CEOs, been directly in the middle of two lawsuits - between my company and our vendors. I managed three total ground-up system redesigns of the online software. By the time I left, we still only had 280 users! My colleagues stsyaed behind, and sadly waved goodbye. They continued to call/email me to let off steam about the continuing insanity. The place closed its doors finally, on Friday. The psychological drain on those that stayed til the end, is palpable. I am happy they can be free. They are afraid.
When I left my job, I had no idea what I was going to do, no plan at all. But I had always dreamed of traveling internationally and being a writer. I sold everything I own, moved to Paris with my boyfriend and cat, and started three blogs. I do some technical writing, some on-camera and voice acting, and some paid posting. I teach at a local diploma mill. I cobble together a living. I am happy. Am I insecure? Yes. But there’s no security in corporate America either.
Thanks for writing such a thoughtful post and for finding me through Entrecard!
wow*
Excellent article + yer right to look on the Bright side of it*
+ there always seems to be a Dink or Dinks workin’ in an Office that make it totally unbearable*
Good Luck in yer New Venture + thx fer poppin’ by + the Drop*
;)) Peace*
@Omyword, It sounds like taking a big risk paid off for you! One thing you said really stands out: “But there’s no security in corporate America either.” That, to me, is the clincher. People don’t realize that going out on your own is just as risky or secure as working for some big company. In fact, working for yourself may be even less risky.
@BillyWarhol, I’m not sure what you mean by dinks (double income no kids?). For all the years I worked at startups, corporate, and other offices, there was only one coworker who made it unbearable over the long haul. Kind of a dink, yes. But I’ve worked with others who were fine
Thanks Billy!
Melissa,
That’s quite an inspiring story! Since my six year stint in the military I have worked for 5 different companies, all as a contract employee. This has been since January of 2005. I now work from home but every day there is the wonder of when this deal will fall through and I’ll be left looking for another job elsewhere.
My dream is to eventually write full time, whether I make my living with my writing or write because I’ve made my living. I’ve already saved up three months worth of paychecks in case that phone call or email shows up saying that I’ve been let go. I figure that’s three months to pursue my writing while sending out resumes and visiting the Dept. of Workforce Services.
-Brady
@Brady, I admire you for being prepared! No matter who you work for, it’s always possible that the bottom can fall out at any time. Keep on writing!
Very well written, Melissa. A friend of mine was laid off from Nortel back when the bubble burst, and he recounts (with bitterness, still) that the grief counselor said, “think of this as an opportunity to try something new”.
While my friend couldn’t, and can’t, see it - the counselor was right. It is easy for me to say that, but it is true.
As I said back on the MwP blog just now, I see these people all the time where I work, zombies. I feel like giving them a good shake and saying, “well at least you’re not dead!”
But in some ways, they are dead.
Not me.
Thank you for a truly inspiring piece.
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@Brett, Thanks! Sometimes I wonder if I’d feel differently had I been laid off by myself versus along with every single person in the company. When the company goes under or an entire department is eliminated, you know it’s not your performance. But when it’s just your position that’s cut, it’s easy to wonder if it was because someone disliked you or your work was poor. Or, maybe they think they can get someone else cheaper. There’s all kinds of reasons why it happens, and all we can do is learn from it and move on, recognizing it as an opportunity to invite positive change into our lives.
I was more dead working for the company while it was slowly sinking than I was after they called it quits — that’s for sure!
@ Melissa,
You are so very welcome! You are living proof that it is possible to make a life change, and it encourages me - I know that I am going in the right direction, and with hard work (and encouragement from people such as yourself) I will get there.
One day a little while ago, I had one of those really inspiring moments, and I blogged about it - I had seen two videos, one of Steve Jobs and one of Randy Pausch (I called it “rocks.” at my blog).
Steve almost died of pancreatic cancer, and Randy is dying of the same illness.
What these two people said changed my whole paradigm. I have had a skip in my step ever since, and I have watched those videos a few times since.
Often times people only realize they have so much freedom to choose, when they hit rock bottom. I am so happy to know, now, that I don’t have to wait for that - and I never had to wait.
@Brett, Hard work is an understatement! I’ve never worked so hard (or so long) in my life, but the rewards are great and I’m certain that over time, things will settle down and I will get into an easier (not easy — just easier) rhythm.
I am fascinated by those little moments we experience that change our whole lives. Once I was channel surfing in the middle of the night and I bumped across some strange interview with a gal named Wonkette. She was talking about blogging and threw out some names like Problogger. It was by complete chance that I landed on that interview. Within two weeks I had my first blog. Talk about life-changing! Of course that old blog of mine is long gone but I’ll always remember how I got that feeling… that sense of knowing my whole life was about to change for the better.
@ Melissa,
I agree with you in every way - I enjoy hard work, at something I enjoy. I’m sure you are 80 percent of the way to that rhythm, and it will only get better. I look forward to making the same journey that for you is well underway.
It is funny how we have those defining moments, that lead to small choices and life altering effects. I knew something had to change in my life a couple of years ago.
One day I stumbled across Steve Pavlina’s blog, which started it for me. I spent a lot of time thinking, pondering, trying to figure out that which I really already knew about myself, but had buried through years of trying to be someone else.
Then, my company sent me on training for Steven Covey’s 7 Habits course, which was the kick in the pants I needed.
The biggest shift for me, though, happened just at the beginning of 2008. I happened upon the small ring of really cool blogs I hang out at now (including yours!) and -
I just started. I know it won’t be easy. But that doesn’t matter, that’s not the point. I am having the best time of my life, with the added benefit that I’m still working full time, so I have some cushioning while I line things up.
I am now, where you were then - I *know* my whole life is changing for the better.
And I’m getting lots of encouragement from all kinds of great people.
@Brett, I feel more like I’m about halfway there
You’re lucky. I didn’t really get much encouragement, or discouragement for that matter. I just kind of did it. I find that sometimes when you don’t talk it up, and just go straight for the action, the outcome is a lot more concrete. Over the years I’ve had all kinds of business ideas that I’d rattle on about, but then never see through to fruition. This time I wanted it to be different, so I kept mum.
In fact, I remember actually being proud of myself because I didn’t tell my friends about it at all until it was completely up and running. Only my parents knew. And my dogs, of course.
@ Melissa, I think that is common for all of us - you know, we work so hard that we don’t realize that we are already experts in a particular field. I do that every so often in my day job - I do a “reality check” and I realize how good I am at what I do. You may be further along than you realize, to an outside observer.
Actually, it’s kind of funny how pertinent your words really are here. I have some rather interesting business ideas that I’m working on in the background, keeping under wraps and so forth, that don’t have any direct link with my writing. So that’s what I do when I’m not blogging or interacting with all of you out here.
The support I have been receiving is for the writing I’ve been doing - which is for pleasure, kind of an outlet that motivates me to go further with my other stuff. The support has come from the blogging community, which is awesome. Friends and family are somewhat indifferent…
But for pure business ideas, you’re right on the money here. Action speaks louder than words.
The bottom line is that you should be proud. You have accomplished a lot, in my opinion.
@Brett, If only I had a dollar for every business idea! The problem is, the projects I feel most passionate about are not going to put a roof over my head, so I’m always struggling to find a balance. For example, I love blogging. I’d have ten blogs about all different topics if I thought I could make a living at it. However, none of those would be about blogging, technology, or the web. I’m going off on a huge tangent now…
I guess I do have a lot to be proud of. Sometimes it’s easy to forget how far we’ve come because we’re so focused on where we’re going.Thank you so much for the reminder
It really means a lot to me.
@ Melissa, you are so right about it. It has actually been a good reality check for me chatting with you, and other freelancers / entrepreneurs, because I could easily fall into that. I am insanely interested in everything, and need to focus on one or two things if I want to make this work.
Balance is necessary to make this sort of thing work.
You are very welcome, by the way. It’s the least I can do, your words here continue to give me a lot of enjoyment, and sometimes a few laughs too.
I just noticed that the mouseover for your “My Cubicle” link says “go ahead and take my red stapler”. Absolutely classic, I just watched Office Space again last night - thanks for the best laugh I’ve had all day
@Brett, Yep, gotta love the red stapler, and love handing it off even more! I’m still working on balance. One of my new goals is to take one day off a week. That should be fun.
Melissa,
I had a similiar experience last year in corporate America. I think that the same girl was even sitting one cubicle over from me too!
I had a migraine every day for three months. Two days after I left, I realized that I was headache free.
It had been my first time in the corporate world. I am heading toward 50 but prior to that experience, I have had my own companies, or have found a way to work for myself. Now I am back to that again and have said, never again am I going back to the cubicle world. Of course one should never say never…
I am enjoying working as a writer and enjoying the world of blogging. I have met some very nice people.
@ Wendi,
If you can avoid returning to cubicle world, do it… I am only back for a day, at a job that I really don’t mind too much, and I have a renewed energy to change - such was the pleasant experience of my time off, as I had much time to think about who I am, and what I want to do.
So you keep doing what you are doing!!!
@WendiKelly, I think every office has a girl or guy kind of like that. There are a lot of different types of office personalities — the gossip, the brown noser, the over-achiever. I sure don’t miss the politics, but sometimes I do miss working with a team.
@Brett, You’re on your way. Just keep your eyes on the prize
Thanks Melissa, for the encouragement, and wisdom. All things can be accomplished with perseverance and focus.
Congratulations on making this milestone!
Thanks Laura!
What an article! Right now, I am about to return for work after 1 month of vacation. During the time I left my position working for a multinational company, I felt this FREEDOM to choose what I want to do, when I want to do it and how I’m going to do it. I felt relieved and excited to just live everyday as an adventure.
Working in a corporate environment is always filled with pressure, unexpected challanges from above and below, and the need to remain competitive, otherwise, you’ll never get that elusive position you aspire for. Sometimes the weekends are not enough to completely recover from all the stress!
And, yes, I have to sit down in my cubicle again! Right now, I’m thinking why should I return? Unlike your case, I left work where I do enjoy it more than I resent it. But your experience inspired me to have the confidence to be prepared to what might happen in the near future and that just like you, I may have an online enterprise to look forward to sooner than I thought.
Thanks for an awesome article!
@Jed, I’m glad you enjoyed this story. I have to say though that freelancing or starting your own business is actually even more stressful than having a regular 9-5 job. The rewards are much greater and you have a lot more control over your income and the work you do, but the stress is pretty significant. I think it will level out eventually, but I’m still in my first year, so that remains to be seen. However, it’s completely worth it!